Story: Broken Love

I came here with the mindset that I would never turn back. I may not have a place to stay or any friends I can lean on, but I felt a calling to come here when deciding where to flee to. My hope was in a free future away from my parents. A much needed escape from the daily mental torment of what I used to call home.

I start college in a couple weeks which gives me time to settle down. I’ve never been happier. My image of college life is based on the movies I've seen on tv and the books that I read in school. It was always full of exciting experiences that you cannot have anywhere else. I took some of my inheritance money from the safe that my dad keeps all his precious things in. There was an envelope with my name on it along with all this stuff. He always told me I could have it when I needed it. Being far from home and going to college was my goal and so I needed the money to survive. I hope he isn't too mad that I didn't confide in him before I ran away. I know maybe he would have been okay sending me away but just knowing my mother she would find a way to ruin everything. So I can’t rely on them. This money should sustain me for a while till I can get a job somewhere and provide for myself. I would soon learn that my plan wasn't as simple as I had imagined. 

For starters, I am not good with my hands. I grew up having everything done and provided for me. I was coddled as a child which later turned into manipulation by my mother. She was over-bearing, manipulative, always disregarded my feelings, and managed the way I expressed myself. I felt like her robot daughter following her every order until I one day became sentient. I realized how she would hide behind her behavior and masked it as honoring your parents. The fifth commandment always hurt me the most. Did it really mean to bend to their every will without complaint. She always made it seem like honoring your father and your mother was the first commandment. If you broke that one rule, life would be very difficult. Everything she said was true and no one could defy her. It worked for a time but then I became a teenager. I had a teacher who opened my mind to the manipulation and I saw my parents as who they really were. My teacher taught me healthy boundaries. She spoke on abuse and of love and relationships. She said these topics are important for life and incorporated them in her curriculum because many young people find themselves in toxic situations where they can’t leave. All in the name of love. While learning from her class teachings I started realizing that my home life was the danger she taught us to look out for. I took note of the abuse at home and wanted my mother to realize her wrong doings. 

So, one day I built enough courage to confront my mother. My teacher said expressing your feelings is the first step to having someone respect and validate your feelings. I thought I would tell my mother how I felt but it wasn't received well. She answered with a slap to my face and her screaming in my ears till they almost bled. Stating that I was being easily influenced by others and that High School was teaching me secular nonsense. God would hate me that I would become rebellious towards my own mother. I should know better than to question her authority. That was the beginning of all this pent up anger inside and nowhere to direct it. I held on to my teacher's words as keepsakes to take with me when I continued my journey away from home. I became nice so my parents wouldn’t suspect a thing when I disappeared one day. If they wanted an obedient child, I could play the role as long as I get to leave. I made a promise to God that if I could leave for good I would be the good girl my parents wanted me to be.

_____

I was so hungry I hadn’t eaten dinner the night before because I was busy mentally preparing for my drive. I left Sunday morning before the sun rose up. Even before my family woke up to go to church and before the ranch workers started their early shift. I typically go to church before them to attend the morning bible group.  Which was my mother’s idea and suggested I should go Sunday mornings to learn to be a good Christian girl. My plan was to leave on Sunday so they wouldn’t question my disappearance and assume that I was in my bible group all day. Honestly, church can run for hours. The day starts with an 8 am bible study, then breakfast right after. At 10 am is worship, then at 11am the sermon would start. Which could last between 1-3 hours, followed by lunch. Then there would be a break where you could help around the church till evening service. It felt like school. I thought Sundays were a day of rest, but it was also God’s day so I didn't dare to question it. The Youth group had special responsibilities. By the time most church goers leave after the morning sermon, the youth were encouraged to stay and do outreach led by the youth leader. My mother loved this idea, she thought it instilled good character. Yet, I have never seen her in a position of feeding the homeless or helping a person in need. Which speaks volumes on her part.

I stopped at this cafe in the college town I was hoping to stay in. It was near San Petros University which I had applied to for this fall. Nearby was a called Cafe Moosters, it was a chain store I saw a lot of once I entered the state of California. The look of this Moosters location had a more modern look with tall windows as walls. The store blended in with the rest of the office building. So If you weren't aware that there was a cafe joined with the office building you would think nothing of it and walk past the cafe. I entered through the large doors as the doorbell rang, catching the workers' focus. 

“Welcome," said a female voice at the counter. 

It was a sweet cheery girl with her blond hair tied up in a tall pony tail bouncing with her personality. Her eyes were decorated with long lashes almost touching her eyebrows and freckles splattered across her nose and cheeks. Her cheeks were powdered a soft pink making her face appear rosy. She stood tall and bright at the counter, almost like a beacon. I could see why they had her working at the front because her coworker next to her looked like ‘gloom and doom’. He was tall with a bent neck looking down towards the coffee that he was making. His shoulders were prominent but a bit hunched making him seem big. His brown hair was loose reaching down to his cheek bones. It was parted down the center covering half his face as he worked. Squinting and glaring at his cup in hand, almost as if he was unsatisfied with the item he produced. He emitted an aura that said he didn’t wanna be bothered.

‘What an odd combination’ I think to myself as I approach the counter to my right. 

“ What can I get for you?” she said as I reached the counter. 

“ Sorry I'm not ready… umm… this is my first time here actually.” I take a step back to stare at the overhead menu and my sweater gets caught on the paper menus stacked on the counter. I fumble with catching them before they all fall to the ground. One slips my grasp. “I’m so sorry.” I panic, I drop to the floor to pick it up.

“It is okay, take your time, I'll be here when you're ready.” She doesn’t break character and continues to smile radiantly at me. ‘She seems nice,’ I think. Feeling an ease run through my chest.

As I thanked her I managed to catch a glance at her coworker, he looked my way for a brief second with a bit of disdain in his eyes. 

‘Sheesh, He really must hate people’ I thought to myself. I look over the menu and see they have a caramel late, the menu says they make caramel in house. Still frazzled by the incident, I'm unsure if I should order the caramel latte. I start to fidget with my hands a bit.

“Ready to order?” I look up at the cashier who is waiting for me to respond.

 “Okay I think I am ready,” I say with full confidence.

“What would you like?” she asks as she punches some buttons on her POS. 

“ I would like a croissantwich and a medium caramel latte.”

“Great choice, the caramel latte is great. Even Ben likes it,” she points to the left with her thumb. “And he hates coffee.” she laughs loudly echoing through the shop. 

Ben gives her a sideways glance.

“Tastes good. Leave me alone.” His face stays stoic as he responds.

“So why does he work here?” I accidentally question out loud. In the heat of the moment, I felt comfortable with the barista being so casual. It caused me to slip, and my face reddened. “Oh no, I-’

The cashier cuts me off “Honestly I don't know…“ she questions putting her finger to her chin. She then turns to Ben, “Hey Ben, why do you work here?”

Without looking up from preparing the drink he answers, “ for the money.” For a brief moment, I catch myself staring at his features a little too long that he looks up at me with a questioning look. He must have felt me staring at him, I look away embarrassed and take my ticket number. 

The cashier was grinning with a naughty look. She winks at me,“We’ll call you when it’s ready,” she sings.

I find an empty table by the window, and question my life choices up to this point. ‘What is going on?’ I sit down and run my fingers through my hair, letting the weight of my head droop down towards the table. Is it because I finally left my controlling mother, I suddenly don't know how to act right anymore? Her spirit still lingers causing me to feel bad about myself. It was as if she was my puppet master and I was the puppet. She handled me quite well, I did everything perfectly. The way she always wanted. Now that she's miles and miles away, I’ve lost my literal support. I need to rely on myself and not on anyone else. Or maybe I need sleep. I drove for 10 hours nonstop. Driving for long periods without rest can make you crazy and cause you to hallucinate things. I don't think coffee is the right choice either but I needed something to wake me up in the meantime. Dealing with my internal turmoil I hadn’t realized that the barista Ben was standing next to me with my cup of coffee in hand.

He looks down on me with an irritated expression, “I called your number various times. Did you not hear?” He’s holding the croissantwich in one hand and my latte in the other. 

Feeling even more embarrassed than before, he must have seen me acting weird. I look up at him with tears swelling in my eyes forcing a smile from embarrassment. ‘What is wrong with me??????’… I finally respond to his question “ Thank you, sorry I guess I haven't had my coffee yet and I’m still asleep.” He places the latte cup and sandwich in front of me. I have to admit the sandwich looks so good, flaky and warm. I’m staring at it now, almost forgetting he’s still there.

“That explains the soulless stare.” he says in the most flat tone.

I force a laugh that comes across too hard, he contorts his face as if trying not to laugh and walks away. ‘Oh god please end my life. That was so embarrassing. He probably thinks I have a crush on him or something.’ I hide my face into my palms.

_______

‘That was very funny, what a clumsy girl.’ Ben tries to control his laughter. ‘She seems very spaced out.’ I let go of a breath as I reached my station behind the bar. Controlling the urge to laugh, I can't have Joy use this interaction to tease me. She gets a kick out of people's reactions. If she sees you flustered or laughing she will use it against you. It’s pure torture to deal with her, when she’s in a mischievous mood. She tells me the reason she loves working here is for the people. She’s so happy and outgoing and gets to meet lots of people. She has a way of being overly friendly with others, making them feel comfortable enough to make their true personalities slip. But only I know her real intentions. She's evil. 

The cafe has entered the slower part of the day. Joy decides to leave her station and stands next to me slouching to one side with her hand on her hip. “Isn't she interesting, our new visitor,” she smiles. “I can tell she's not from around here, she's so cute and clumsy. I hope she comes again. Don’t you wish she would come again?” She nudges me with her elbow. 

“Not in particular.” I shrug, not daring to look at her. I know she’s up to something. “As long as she buys, I get paid.”

“Or maybe you make her nervous, with your mysterious atmosphere.” She waves her hands around in front of me. I continue to ignore her. “ Oh come on! I told you to smile more because it makes the customers more comfortable.” She backs off a bit crossing her arms over her chest, “ I bet if you showed some teeth and spoke in a smoother voice you'd attract many customers to our shop!” She points to herself with pride, “Take me for an example, I make the people feel welcome,” She smiles at him brightly. Still ignoring her she tries to poke at my side to make me laugh. I hate when she does this, she knows that I hate it and yet she's still persistent. 

“Stop,” I say but she continues to poke at me. “Hey!” She finally manages to tickle me and I turn around to cover my mouth from laughter. Dang it she’s so evil! 

“Haha there it is!” She claps her hands together. 

“I hate you, why are you so evil??” Our interaction is abruptly interrupted.

“Uhh.. says a voice from behind the bar counter. I look up and see the clumsy redhead customer standing there, with both her hands clutching her cell phone. “ Sorry I don’t mean to bother but what is your wifi password?” She looks small and shy with little confidence in her eyes.

Joy bounces back into her work self, “You’re not bothering anyone,” she says. “The password is CowMilk.”

“ Thank you so much.” She does a little head bow showing her gratitude. “You guys are a cute couple by the way, it is so sweet you get to work together.”

Joy hysterically laughs clutching her stomach, this red head has unleashed the beast inside her. “Is that what we looked like??” She stops laughing and looks at me for a moment. Then resumes to laughing again, “That is my grouchy brother!”

“oh …. I'm sorry… I just assumed… Well you guys don't look alike.”

“It's okay honey, you're free to date him if that was your next question. He’s currently single.” Joy cups her cheeks with both hands trying to calm her laughter. A hee hee slips between her lips. She already broke character and she’s fighting to gain it back. Joy lets out a breath as she perks her head up, “Anyways I'm just trying to help him be a little more relaxed at his job. I feel like he is scaring away all our customers. They must see him glaring through the window.”

I butt in hoping she would stop rambling, “The real reason is because your mouth is so big and loud. They think we run a zoo in here with your hyena laugh” I can help but chuckle a bit, “you scare the customers before they even decide to enter. Now leave the poor girl alone.” The clumsy girl was still standing there witnessing our bickering and laughing into her hand. Done with all this nonsense I get back to cleaning my station.  “She's obnoxious, don’t pay any mind.” I say out loud directing it to no one. Joy smacks my arm. 

“You’re so mean!”

I can't help but throw a glance at the customer who’s still laughing which causes me to slip a laugh too. 

“Well it is nice seeing siblings get along. I'm an only child so I don't know anything about sibling bonds.”

“You’re lucky,” I say. “I still remember when I was an only child. Life was so much better.”

Joy butts in, “you guys seem to be getting along.” she says with a teasing smile. ‘I’ll go back to my station now.” She leaves to the counter and starts counting the tips in the jar. The redhead customer throws me a soft smile and returns to her seat. I return to cleaning my station and move on with my day.