In this day and age, we are all lost in technology, some more than others. It has deprived us from making connections face to face. Technology controls our whole being and it is difficult to break away from its control. I technically live on my computer, always online inside different threads. Posting, chatting, scrolling, clicking. It is so easy to do, the net gives you a voice that you're not afraid to use. A boldness that is amplified when accessing the internet, being able to express things you probably wouldn't have a chance to in real life. Although the negative effects of the comfort of technology is that it keeps us lonely and locked in solitude. When I am glued on my screen, I am in my own world and nothing from the outside can penetrate my focus.
I carry my gadgets with me everywhere I go, stopping by cafes to order a coffee and use their Wi-Fi. The employees know me because I'm a regular at their cafe. When I would go to meet Toby, my boyfriend, he was similar, we were practically the same. The technology had consumed us both, so I guess that's why we clicked. Our verbal conversations don't last a minute, but once we go to our world, we become a whole another person. Chatting away in the little message box even though we might be sitting feet apart we don't say a word.
It's been like this for a while now, and we call it normal. It's nothing out of the ordinary. I can't remember the last verbal conversation we really ever had, aside from hello or how are you. It must have been when we first met in person. I can't remember his face any more because my face is just glued to the screen and so is his. We met during college in a statistics class. I’ve always been a little introverted, but I built up the courage to ask my table partner for help on an assignment. To my surprise he was just as lost as I was, so we decided to work out the problem together. That's how I met Toby, and we became friends soon after.
When we meet in person it's usually at his house, because he doesn't like the busy noisy people on the street. I myself like nature but anywhere is fine since I'm always on my laptop. We never really dine out, it's always take out or delivery. Since neither of us like to talk much we order online to avoid spiraling into a panic. We’ve slowly let the comfort of technology speak for us. Yeah technology is great, you are able to do many things without getting up from your spot. If robots were easily accessible we'd probably own one too, further enabling this addiction. I wish we could have known the dangers that technology has on our mental health.
When I go to meet my parents, my mother is the one who is most worried about my health. She’s become concerned that I don't see the sun much. So, every Saturday she takes me out for a little walk so we can detach ourselves from our normal routine. We go everywhere together without our phones or electronics so no one can bother us. At first it was hard for me to go because I couldn't let go of my phone. The itching sensation makes me want to check my phone for any notifications, and I would fear missing out on any conversations with my friends. I would constantly reach for my pocket, but my phone wouldn't be there causing me to become very anxious. After a while of detoxing in nature I saw how much fun I can have, and I told myself that one day a week is not so bad to see the beauty of the real world instead of through an electronic lens.
After my mother tried helping me break away from this lifestyle, I felt much happier and at ease. If only Toby can see this side too. It's beautiful and very bright and HD in color compared to the screen. I tried to drag him out of the house once and he complained that if he wanted to see the outside, he could just google images. Better yet put on his new Vr headset he got for his birthday. I am worried for him, he is nailed in there deeper than I thought so I tried again and again till he gave in on my nagging. But it didn't go well for us both. We wouldn't even look each other in the eyes and the night was awkward due to the silence. I didn't know what to talk about. It's like I didn't know him at all, like we’re meeting for the first time. It kind of was, both of us were away from our computers and we didn't know how to interact. So we ended the night like that. No hugs or goodbye or good night.
I wish he could see how beautiful the world is without the technologic lens. I want him here in the present with me taking in all the wonderful sights. I contemplate whether I should stay or go in this relationship. Leaving him would hurt me to see him waste away alone. Even though he may not think he’s alone since he has electronics. I don’t think I can continue to live this life anymore. The constant arguments of me wanting different things and him being fine where he’s comfortable. These types of decisions hurt so much but it’s an important one to make. If I can’t support him with our relationship then maybe what he needs is the support of a friend. So, one day I opened my laptop to send him a chat first thing in the morning. I told him we needed to talk and that I had something important to tell him. He quickly responded to my message saying I should come over and bring my laptop.
When I arrived at his place I sent him a message letting him know I was outside his apartment. My heart was racing as I stood outside the door, and my mind was plagued with all sorts of thoughts while I waited for him to buzz me up. Would he understand me and where I’m coming from? Or would he want nothing to do with me? Maybe he will reject the idea. At the end of the day I just want things to work out and if we can't come to an agreement I may just have to move on with my life.
As I anxiously waited, the door opened, and I saw his familiar figure. He was standing right in front of me holding the door wide open. I was amazed by how tall he looked and how well dressed he was. Since I always saw him hunched over on his phone in a hoodie, this was a breath of fresh air. I stood speechless. He said hi and told me to come in. I followed him inside and we took the elevator to his apartment. When we reached his floor he guided me to his apartment, I felt my worries fade. It’s like the sudden shock blew away all anxieties I had, and his attractiveness made me forget why I came in the first place. Lost in awe I hadn't realized that I had entered his apartment. It looked the same as it always did, the apartment lights were dim but he had blue LED lights taped all around his baseboards, giving the room a blue glow. The curtains were drawn shutting out the morning light, he made sure to buy a good brand of blackout curtains so light couldn’t penetrate through. During the night he would part the curtains to reveal the city scape below. I took a seat on his couch while he went into the kitchen. I wondered where I should start the conversation, he came back with a glass of water and sat right next to me. I stared at him very intensely thinking of what to say. I looked away for a moment collecting my thoughts before turning back to him “Hey, so…”
I noticed him fidgeting, he opened his mouth as if he were about to speak, but then shut it and turned away. He reached for his phone in his pocket and started typing quickly. My phone buzzed and I looked down to see the message that lit up my screen.
His text read, "So what was it you wanted to walk about?” I looked back up at him and I placed my phone down on my lap. He watched me intently as I tried to find the words to speak.
“I know things have been tough lately, and I didn’t want to voice my concerns through a text message. I feel verbal communication for sensitive topics is important. I would like it if you could hear what I need to say.” I let out the breath that I was holding in. I finally spoke, it was nerve wracking but it was a start. I looked to him for his response and he nodded his head as a signal to keep speaking. So I told him all my worries and all that I've been struggling with and the future that I desire. I told him everything as he sat there and listened. When I finished with what I needed to say, he grabbed his phone and started typing once again.
“Thanks for telling me.” He sent another text, “I’ve also been thinking…”
In that moment my eyes widened, and my heart sank. I wondered if he thought the same way as I did and thought we should break up? My arms and legs began to tingle as if a bolt of electricity was shot through me. Knowing this would happen I couldn’t help but feel sad at the thought of us moving on. I did tell him that I felt like we were drifting. My thoughts were broken when my phone vibrated again.
buzz “About our relationship…” here it comes. I held my breath before I continued to read, “… and how it evolved. And I’m sorry I can’t give you exactly what you want but I’d like to try to be better. If you could meet me where I’m at and give me the patience, I believe we can make this work.” I glanced up at him and he stared directly at me with sincerity. I felt so emotional that I wanted to run into his arms and give him the biggest hug but I held back. I wiped the tears that rolled down my cheeks and flashed him a joyful smile. He opened his arms inviting me for a hug and I gladly took it. He gave me a nice squeeze then whispered in my ear, “I am certain we can break through this Techno-logic addiction together. When you are with me, I feel anything is possible.”
Original 2014
Thank you so much for reading! This was a short story I wrote back in 2014. I updated it and wanted to share the story.
Important dates:
September 1st: Comic update
September 4th: Blog Post
September 7th: Pop up Artwalk SF
September16th: Comic update
September 18: Blog Post
Links
Excuse me ☝️ but where’s the new blog post it was supposed to be today (September 4th) ?!